Why Does My Ex Continue to Hurt Me

As the saying goes; all is fair in love and war.

If love is deemed as beautiful and magical, then breakups are shocking and wicked. They bring out the worst in people regardless of whether you are the dumpee or the dumper.

The only difference between the two is that dumpees usually do their best to control their behavior—for they want their exes back, while dumpers give in to the repulsive emotions and act imprudently as if the dumpee never existed.

So if you're somewhat fresh out of a breakup and you're thinking to yourself, "Why does my ex want to hurt me so much," this is the topic for you.

Moreover, please note that the content of this article applies to both males and females, but the article will be written from a male perspective. Let's jump right to it.

Why does my ex want to hurt me so much?

There are two possibilities why an ex is trying to hurt you.

1. Your ex is trying to get back at you due to the victim's mentality.
2. Your ex just doesn't care enough and hurts you inadvertently.

It's not too difficult to discern whether your ex is hurting you on purpose or non-intentionally.

If your ex is deliberately going out of her way to hurt you, she will make sure you find out about her malevolent actions. Your ex will hurt you because your pain will give her a huge ego boost and provide her with the validation she so badly craves. In a nutshell, her actions will appear very immature, vengeful and even crazy.

Contrarily, if your ex is not trying to hurt you, then her actions will be a lot less demeaning. She will probably talk badly about you to her friends to justify her reasons for leaving and might even post how happy she is on social media. Moreover, she will not compare you to the new person she's dating and will just mind her own business.

Why is my ex-girlfriend trying to hurt me only after the breakup?

Most of the time, dumpers don't play any mind games, but sometimes, we come across that one individual that takes vengeance to a whole different level.

When that vengeful individual breaks up with us, we finally get to meet the real person – the one that has been hiding behind a mask all these months or years.

You're probably thinking, "In the relationship, my girlfriend never tried to harm me. Why is my ex trying to hurt me now?"

If you are having these thoughts, I believe can help you with them.

Your girlfriend cared about you and the relationship she was in. So now that she's a free spirit—and fully-detached from you, she doesn't care about what you think about her. She can do as she feels – which she avidly does.

So if you get the feeling that your ex-girlfriend is out to hurt you by doing horrible things, rejoice! You finally got to meet the ugly side of her which will help you move on when you're past the initial hurt.

Your ex's mean actions will also prevent you from wanting her back if she ever returns. And that's a good thing as you will know exactly what your ex is capable of. Not only that. You will also have learned not to tolerate her behavior again and especially—her post-breakup treatment.

It goes without saying that relationships should start the other way around by getting to know a person's bad side first. Unfortunately, people conceal their dark side for as long as they can until they can't control it anymore. That's the reason why most relationships fail within the first 6 months when people's true colors finally protrude through the surface.

But just because people's true colors show with time, it doesn't mean that we don't have an even darker side – the really scary one. This side is usually summoned when we are undergoing something extremely emotional. Breakups are a good example of this thesis.

The dark side ???

Sadly, most people are capable of bad things. They just need to be pushed far enough to show them. Begging and pleading to insanity or anything that goes against the dumper's freedom for example, usually does the job.

People can be vengeful, manipulative and absolutely bitter when it comes to our past relationships. When our pride, ego, and self-esteem have been hurt, we do unimaginable things to soothe our raging anxiety.

This usually occurs when things don't happen the way we want them to, so we lose emotional self-control and tap into our dark side to unleash the fury.

Since everyone has a dark side, this is exactly the reason why exes hurt us so much when we only want to live peacefully after a breakup. Everything we do and sometimes even don't do quickly enrages our exes, bringing out the worst in them.

Unfortunately, the only way to help your ex cool off is to completely remove your presence and go indefinite no contact.

Dumpees' pain

It's also important not to mistake our exes' actions and inactions for deliberate intentions for them to hurt us. Since we are so heartbroken, it's really easy to get hurt from something/anything our exes do.

Try not to get hurt if your ex starts hanging out with someone new, goes on vacation with her friend or posts every single moment of her life on social media. These are not the reasons to get offended and hurt so don't misinterpret your ex's post-breakup life. It's full of relief and elation anyway, so don't pay much attention to it.

It doesn't really matter how much fun your ex is having and who she's with. None of that matters in your short and precious life.

What does matter, is you. You are the most important person in the world – at least to yourself.

The things exes do to hurt you

Exes do all sorts of things to hurt us—especially dumpers. They go to great lengths to win the post-breakup war and celebrate in glory once they achieve it.

Fortunately, the reasons why exes hurt us have nothing to do with who we were as their partners. It's got everything to do with our exes' competitiveness and their unjust sense of retribution. So if your ex is hurting you on purpose, know that it's not your fault. You shouldn't be getting punished for your past mistakes.

Here are some of the things exes do to hurt you a lot:

• posting explicit pictures and comments on social media
• bragging about the new boyfriend
• ignoring and avoiding you
• getting angry at you
• spreading rumors about you, your friends or your family
• trying to make you jealous
• threatening, insulting and belittling

Unintentional ways in which your ex hurts you:

• being able to stay away from you and not reaching out
• not getting as hurt as you
• moving on with ease
• drinking and partying
• appearing happy on social media or in her new relationship
• getting engaged, married

What do I do if my ex is trying to hurt me?

If your ex is trying to hurt you on purpose, whatever you do, don't reciprocate and fight fire with fire. If you do, your ex will likely win the battle.

And even if you prove to be the worst person and get the short-lived satisfaction of revenge, it likely won't last very long as it never does.

Revenge isn't sweet, it's nasty. It doesn't make you grow as a person, it delays your maturity and shows that you're a bitter and spiteful person.

If you get back at your ex for hurting you, you will eventually regret your actions and wish that you'd been the bigger person and let karma take care of your ex.

Instead of regretting your actions later, remind yourself that you don't need to compete with an ex that's trying to hurt you. You've won already by sticking with this person to the very end. That's why you have absolutely nothing to lose by letting your ex do what she wants to do. You only have things to gain.

Always keep in mind to be the better person when things don't appear pretty. Gather your strength to smile at your ex's malicious behavior and forget about it as quickly as you can. Nothing will annoy your ex as much as forgiving and pitying her poor, vengeful soul.

You will instead inadvertently show her that you are not going to play her dirty games because you're a mature individual. If you did, you'd only have fallen into her trap.

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Unless your ex is threatening you with physical violence or is emotionally abusing you, you just have to wait for her anger to dissipate.

But if it's serious and you're scared for your safety, contact your ex's friends and family. And if that doesn't help and things escalate—inform the police.

But when will my ex stop hurting me?

Both dumpers and dumpees eventually stop bothering and annoying each other. It's only a matter of time before your ex finds someone else to pester. The only thing you need to do is to not pay any attention to your ex—as difficult as it may seem sometimes.

I know you may be wondering, "Why is my ex hurting me when I've been nothing but nice to her prior to the breakup and even after?"

Whenever you blame yourself for your ex's emotional instability, tell yourself that it's got nothing to do with you. Provided you're in indefinite no contact, you have nothing to take responsibility for. Absolutely nothing at all.

Your ex will stop hurting you when either of the two conditions are met:

1. Your ex gets bored and tired from a lack of reaction from you.
2. You get over the breakup, grow as a result, and move on to better things.

If your ex is hurting you on purpose, do your best not to worry about your ex's actions. She's digging up her own grave of negative stigma to lay in, so let her karmic injustice be her future problem to worry about.

In the meantime, figure out how you can better your own life so that the pettiness of your ex won't wound you.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger

Breakups and bad experience help us grow tremendously as human beings learn the most when we're out of luck. This includes angry exes that are trying to hurt us out of spitefulness and a false sense of righteousness.

Every time we react positively to a negative encounter we further rewire our brains to become the best version of ourselves.

So yes, even something as negative as a crazy, vengeful and miserable ex can serve as a lesson to us. We just have to be prepared to see it that way.

Consider your breakup a challenge – a predicament to evolve from. Don't let your ex drag you to the abyss down with her. It will only give her the pleasure of knowing that she's got you right where she wants you.

Instead, climb above and beyond—far out of your ex's reach and keep going. Run so far, your ex won't even see your dust anymore. That's how you will outgrow your ex and always be one step ahead of her without even trying.

Everything depends on your determination, hence that you always have two options.

1) You can react to your impulses and become somewhat similar to your ex.

2) Become someone your ex will only dream of being with.

The choice is yours to make, but it starts with you here and now.

What will it be? Vengeance or personal growth?

Can you think of more ways and reasons why your ex wants to hurt you so much? Comment below and let me know. ?

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Source: https://magnetofsuccess.com/why-does-my-ex-want-to-hurt-me-so-much/

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